Ah Jane, you see right to the heart of the problem. I feel a bit like a bunny in headlights - all I can see is this looming date. I'm trying to pretend it doesn't matter because I don't want to get carried away and emotional about it, but at the same time I'm tensing up, holding my breath and bracing for impact. So everything pales in significance, and while I'm stuck starring at the headlights, I can't see much else.
Anyway, picked up 5yo's school uniform today and he's wearing it now. Gee he's a little spunk!
Last night I had a perve at Runners World Forum for Beginners and that was pretty good. People like myself who're overweight and have caught the running bug, increasing times, beating p.b.'s and losing their weight - tho the focus is on running. It's something I'd like to be doing.
I shouldn't have this repressed panic about returning to work - I've planned everything to a tee. Dh is taking time off so babe doesn't have to go into childcare and will help 5yo transition to primary school. After six months back I can look around for something closer to home, my skills are useful and companies want someone like me. Ideally, 3-4 days a week so I can participate in school stuff and actively take part in my kids daily lives.
For me, I think it comes down to control issues. When I feel out-of-control, it reflects into life ie. don't care much for housework, cooking healthy, shopping, going out, exercise - I stop controlling my surroundings. Whereas, what I should be doing is saying to myself, well I can't control returning to work, it's going to happen no matter what, but I CAN control my house, my exercise, my shopping, my cooking.
Or I can keep moping around, feeling blah and wasting good exercise and healthy planning time. I will get there guys, I'm just in a bit of slump but it won't last.
SW: Aug08 - 103.8kgs
CW: 95.8kgs (lost 8kgs)
GW: 79kgs by Mar09