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Hey Don, no I don't have a date for the surgery. When I met with him for the initial consult he wrote "aiming for surgery in March" in the clinical notes. My next appointment is Feb 27, to review blood test results, and my expectation is that we will set the surgery date then.

My DH wonderfully went and bought me some Optislim last night, because it was on special, so I have started on it today. I figured that any pre-surgery weight loss can only be a good thing, and if it's only three more weeks to my next appt then I might as well start now and see how much I can lose in that time. I am a bit freaked out that it's only 800 calories per day (and only 460 in the shakes themselves) but we'll see how we go.

I had my first OS shake for breakfast this morning, and so far so good. It wasn't nearly as bad as I was expecting (I was expecting it to be powdery, like a protein drink) but it was ok. It tasted just like a really bad iced coffee. I discovered that taking a mouthful and swallowing before the taste registers was the way to go! Starting to get a bit of a rumbly tummy but am about to go and make a cup of tea. Then I'll have a vanilla OS for lunch - hopefully that one will taste better than the coffee one!

I think I chose a good day to start - have already been in tears a couple of times, one of which was due to some conflict with a colleague (who everyone hates, I was just pleased I had so far managed to avoid conflict - but not the case any more!) so if I wasn't on the shakes I'd be on the chocolate and alcohol!

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There is never a wrong time to do the right thing

The vanilla is NOT better. It looks and smells like milk that's curdled - to have a mouthful I have to hold my nose, take a mouthful, swallow, take a big gulp of water, swallow that, then release my nose. And still I'm left with the aftertaste. I'll have to get the chocolate one and see what that's like.

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There is never a wrong time to do the right thing

My DH and I decided yesterday that I would do OS for brekky and lunch and normal dinner, since I don't technically have to do it properly at the moment. Problem is, yesterday was Friday (take-away night) and my DH went out, so I ate an entire small garlic pizza by myself. Then had a big bowl of icecream.

New plan: Follow OS properly!! Had the vanilla one for brekky, along with a cup of tea. Will have the coffee one for lunch. Am heading out to see if I can get another flavour as well, so I can have just a bit more variety in my day - different flavour for each of breakfast lunch and dinner.

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There is never a wrong time to do the right thing

We went to the pharmacy and got some OptiFast, because that's what my surgeon told me I had to go on for two weeks before the surgery. It is MUCH nicer than the Optislim. I'm just going to head off to see if I can get some of the soups as well.

So far today: Breakfast - OptiSlim vanilla shake, cup of tea

Lunch - cup of tea, cup of stirfried vegies left over from dinner a couple of nights ago, OptiFast chocolate shake

Dinner: will be a cup of tea, steamed or stir-fried vegies, and either an OF soup or a OF shake.

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There is never a wrong time to do the right thing

I found the chocolate with some coffee and a little bit of NutraSweet was my preference my surgeon suggested 6 weeks on the stuff and I did the VLCD thing for about 8 months at one time.

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I'm actually ok with the chocolate O/F shake as is - maybe that's just because it's SO much better than the O/S stuff!! I can't imagine 8 months on it though - esp since they only recommend 12 weeks on the full replacement program!

Am using this journal as a bit of a diversion today - I am sitting in my office feeling quite flat, desperately wanting to go downstairs and get something to eat. I honestly can't tell whether it's an emotional response or real hunger.

I haven't had any O/F today - have had two cups of skinny latte and one glass diet coke instead. So I think I'm at about 200 calories for the day, which is roughly where I would be at on O/F. I had a lot to eat yesterday though, because it was my birthday. We went out for brunch and I had the vegie brekky (2 poached eggs, steamed mushies, tomato, spinach, some avocado, 2 pcs rye toast) and a skinny iced coffee, then had a cupcake for afternoon tea (my DH made them as my birthday cake), then had indian take-away as a treat for dinner. So I should still be full from yesterday, given how much food I had. So the question is: Am I hungry or I am depressed? I can't work that out. Even the thought of steamed vegies is appealing, so I suspect there is genuine hunger in there - but the desire for chinese take-away reeks of emotional rather than physical response I think.

I think the basis for the depressed mood (apart from an underlying pre-disposition towards it) is that on Friday I had a bit of an encounter (via email) with a colleague (who, I should say, *everyone* in my department dislikes, but I was the only person who had not yet had an 'encounter' with her - that's not true anymore!!!) and I have taken a long time to recover from that. The thing is that even though I know rationally it's not about me, because like I said, everyone has the same opinion of her, I have had a strong emotional response of defensiveness.

So all day Saturday I was flat, and then yesterday was lovely and I had a great day, and even this morning was good, but now I've gone back to being flat. This morning was good because I was helping someone in another section, doing something I really enjoy, and I think that's probably the basis of the low mood now - the fact that I simply don't like my job very much. I would very much like to resign and move to another section, but feel unable to because I've only been here for 14 months. And in fact, on the way in to work this morning, I promised myself that I wouldn't apply for any other jobs until my weight reaches a particular level (half of my required weight loss). And that's a significant amount of loss, which means a significant amount of time.

Why do we set ourselves these ridiculous conditions?! There's no reason that I shouldn't apply for jobs before I reach some arbitrary weight, except that I don't feel comfortable or confident at this weight. It doesn't affect my skills or knowledge - just what I think others will think of me. And yet, the research says that concern about that on my part is legitimate - that the assumption that the fat are lazy and stupid is a very real stereotype that is applied in a negatively prejudicial way. And I don't want to put myself through that.

Today, it's all too hard!!!

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There is never a wrong time to do the right thing

The product I was using for an extended period was kicstart.

 

I was assured that you could use it indefinitely.

 

Assuming you didn’t die of boredom.

 

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LOL yeah boredom is definitely the problem!

I did end up getting something to eat because a few of us went out for afternoon tea - I got 2 california rolls (one tuna, one teriyaki chicken). Yummy! And cold rice is low-GI (something to do with the change in chemical structure as it cools) so it was an ok effort for an emotional break from OF! Also got a bottle of diet coke.

Heading to the gym now. Planning on 60mins on x-trainer but we'll see how I go. MUST do 30mins on x-trainer. If I don't do the other 30 on the x-trainer I MUST do a rev class.

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There is never a wrong time to do the right thing

Ive discovered too that the sushi bar is a good start for a food court lunch too

mind you the rolls are a little high in carb:protein for me, and i do like sashimi

indian, i have worked out is mainly curried oil ( at least around here )

and chinese at the food court somehow turns a healthy idea into a diet blowout

optifast is vlcd and low carb isnt it?

I found the california rolls left me full for the rest of the afternoon and evening, so that was a very good choice as it turns out.

Morgan, O/F is a vlcd - don't know about whether it's low cab/protein/GI - I got it cos I hadta! So I didn't pay attention to any of that stuff.

Was thwarted re the gym on Monday because I ended up having to stay late at work to get some stuff done urgently - left work at about 9pm  . And yesterday was home with the babies. Am doing the childcare pick-up tonight but will hand the kids over to my DH as soon as he gets in so I can head out to the gym - am in some *desperate* need of some endorphins atm!!!!

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There is never a wrong time to do the right thing

Have been feeling very crazy for the last month or so. My son, who was stillborn, would have been starting school at this time, so I've been overcome with grief and have spent a lot of the last month depressed and in tears. Am beginning to feel much better though, and am anticipating a conversation with my obstetrician tomorrow about the one thing I don't know about why my son died. It is possible that I will end up feeling much worse!! But I also feel like I'm coming out of the grief haze and back into the world. I guess the thing about having someone close to you die - especially your own child - is that you go through periods of haze for - well, pretty much forever I guess. My best friend died when I was 14, and I still periodically go through periods of haze about her too.

The problem for me about depression is that it tends to be a bit self-fulfilling - I feel too depressed to exercise but not exercising makes me feel worse. I remember seeing this fantastic cartoon about depression (I think it was in a book called Living with the Black Dog) and it had a great cartoon of a man pushing this massive black dog out if his way, and underneath the caption read something like "The Black Dog is lazy and doesn't want to exercise - you have to fight it to get outside".

But I'm off to the gym now - can't decide what to do except that there will be at least 30mins on the x-trainer. Depending on the time when I finish that, I might get to a rev class as well.

I can't wait to have my surgery.

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There is never a wrong time to do the right thing

Gym last night: x-trainer 15mins + treadmill 10min @ 5.8kph no incline + 6min @ 5.3kph 3.5-4.0 incline. No idea how many calories burned.

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There is never a wrong time to do the right thing

While my medical training is modest I thought obstetricians specialised in an area of your body that is around or below your waist.

 

If you are having periods of extreme sadness perhaps you need to se someone who specialty is in the area above your shoulders?

 

After all if your TV is broken you don’t call a plumber.

 

With any issue isn’t the first part of managing the issue to admit there is a problem and if necessary get some help managing it?

 

I hope you start to feel good soon.

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From today's Age: http://www.theage.com.au/news/opinion/surgery-will-do-more-than-education-to-fix-obesity-epidemic/2008/02/18/1203190737640.html?page=fullpage#contentSwap1

Don - the conversation with my obstetrician is about my son who died and why he died. It isn't a conversation about my depression! As a result of it I may or may not feel better in terms of improved mood, but I will certainly feel better in terms of having some outstanding issues about the pregnancy and his death addressed :)

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There is never a wrong time to do the right thing