Food:
Breakfast: 2 x serves of Porridge with dried fruit
Snack: Grapes
Lunch: 2 x Toast with Tomato and Cheese under the grill +
2 x Toast with Tomato, Tuna and Cheese under the grill
Snack: Half a dozen plain chips
Dinner: Pasta with Bolognaise sauce 1 ½ serves
Salad
2 x Piece of Garlic Bread
Snack: Nothing
Drinks: Water - 2 x 1.25ml
Diet Coke – 5 x 375ml
No exercise today, but went to the in-laws this afternoon and for tea. Had a big blue with Lochie on the way home (he’d been drinking) about me having a second serving of the Pasta Bolognaise. He says that if I want to lose weight I have to reduce the amount that I am eating and that I haven’t. I said to him that I’d lost 10kgs and doesn’t he think that I’ve improved my eating at all and he reckons that ‘No’ that’s because I’ve increased my exercise and not because of my eating.
He was having a go about me saying I need to change my bad habits and then I’ll still have seconds. He said that the other night when I cooked the Chinese Stir Fry with Udon noodles that it was the biggest plateful he had ever seen. He said that I am serving Caitlyn up too big helpings of food and that she is going to be as ‘BAD’ as I am.
I’m really hurt because he can’t see all the hard work I’ve been doing and that I have changed my eating style as well as increased exercise. We’ve had a blue like this before but it was after a night when he’d invited friends over and told them to bring desert. He’d then proceeded to cook a roast pork and presented the crackling on the table like it was a table centrepiece or a big Cob Loaf. So then when I had 2nds and 3rds he decided that to come down hard and shitty on me was the way to help me.
I told him then that bullying me was not going to work because I’ll just get my back up or get upset.
He can help me by helping me
Be Prepared and fortifying myself beforehand on risk occasions
By choosing healthy food options and having guests bring healthy food options
By presenting food in a way to minimise temptation
With gentle reminders to help me stop eating or going for another helping.
But I don’t think what I did tonight was that bad. When the Chips were brought out I went and sat in the dining room while he sat out with his dad and pigged out. When I went for the seconds I put a lot of pasta in my plate and realised how big a 2nd plate it was and put some back and only had half a spoon of the bolognaise. Yeah, I probably could have gone without but liked it and went back. His mother had said about 3 times ‘There’s lots more over there if you want it’ and I had not gone and had even chosen to have the salad instead the first few times.
Why make me feel like crap? Why make me feel like a bad mother? Why make me feel like I’m failing? Does he really think that will help???